Its Bloody Better at St Mungos
by Verity Grahams
Summary: Another moment from the 'It's Bloody Better AU' Severus handling the prospect of becoming a father. Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition


**A/N: I do not own Harry Potter**

**Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition**

**Team: Pride of Portree**

**Position: Chaser 1**

**Prompt: Reversed: Self-Doubt, Weakness, Insecurity**

**Optional Prompts:**

**5\. [Restriction] No Mention of Hogwarts**

**10 [quote] "Once a future is foretold, that future becomes a living thing, and it will fight very hard to bring itself about" - Legendary, Stephanie Garber**

**13\. [location] St Mungos**

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**Written for International Wizarding Competition - Summer Camp**

**Week four - Paintballing - overcoming a huge obsticle**

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**Wordcount: 1993**

**A/N: This is an Alternate Universe without Voldemort's reign and without Severus choosing to be a Death Eater. Minor changes to characterisation have been explained within the narrative. **

**Instances that caused a rift between Severus and Lily still took place, however, it was the friendship with Remus that aided Severus to make this right. **

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It's Bloody Better at St Mungo's

'_Once a future is foretold, that future becomes a living thing, and it will fight very hard to bring itself about'_

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Severus sat in the cold, harsh, waiting room of St Mungo's hospital. The walls were tiled, and the floors were that bright green colour with a rubbery finish. The waiting room was lined with chairs; uncomfortable chairs, chairs that forced you to sit upright when all you wanted to do was slouch with your head in your hands. The most prominent thing that Severus found was the smell; it wasn't the same as the disinfectant used in Muggle hospitals, but it was just as assaulting to the senses.

Severus foot bounced, agitatedly, constantly. His fingers were interlocked and the whites of his knuckles showed the intensity of what Severus was feeling. Many would have thought it was eagerness, joy, anticipation; he was in the Maternity ward, after all. They would be wrong. Severus was frightened, panicked, and worried. He was pulling himself apart on the inside. The moment that he had been dreading for the last nine months was upon him. Severus was about to be a father.

He was far to lost in his own thoughts of panic and insecurity to notice the sound of pounding footsteps down the hall. He barely noticed the sound of a friend calling his name. It took Remus shaking him to bring him back to awareness.

"Severus, what's wrong?" Remus asked. "Something didn't go wrong, did it? Lily, is she okay?"

Severus looked up, still in a daze. "Oh," he began. "She seems to be fine."

Remus sat in the awful metal-framed seat next to Severus and leaned back into the small leather padded back. Remus was a more patient man, and he was more than willing to wait for Severus to open up to him. That was, after all, how they had become friends; patience.

Remus and Severus had a rocky history, and Remus' initial apology had not moved Severus at all. It had taken months and months of waiting for him to come round. Remus had to show Severus that things had truly changed, the mistrust between them was insurmountable. Eventually, Severus listened just a little more, and then after a while he listened again, it took time but they eventually became friends.

It was this experience that meant Remus knew how to handle Severus. He was a difficult man, a bitter man, a man that held grudges and did not change easily. Despite all this, Severus was a man with a huge heart; he loved so rarely, but when he did he loved deeply, completely, and was far more loyal than anyone Remus could point to. Severus required people to earn such loyalty though, and so far in life only two people had; Lily and Remus.

Severus cleared his throat, a subtle invitation for Remus to engage him in some sort of conversation. The man was fidgeting, panicked and unhinged still, that much was clear.

"What has you all tied up in knots? Not talking about it isn't going to fix it," Remus began. His voice was calm, and he felt the urge to place a comforting hand on Severus' shoulder or back, but that would be counterproductive.

"It's happening, right now."

"What is happening?" Remus asked, confused. Severus was a man that talked in riddles, and despite the years he had spent learning the language of Severus, he still wasn't fluent.

"The baby, it's coming! And I … I," Severus trailed off, the words that managed to come out, came out through gritted teeth.

Silence hung between them for a few more moments. Severus was clearly not ready to talk about whatever it was that ailed him, and Remus knew better than to force it out. Over the years, his marriage to Lily had softened the stoic man. He was still aloof, and he was still sharp. Lily was good, but she had never wanted to give the man a personality transplant, she just wanted him to be happier. Severus was far happier than he had ever been. He was no longer under the roof of a father that hated and beat him, and his mother was also out that toxic environment. The home that Lily had built, with Severus' help, was nurturing and loving, and that had changed Severus, and enabled him to open up all the more. Remus had to trust that Severus could open up to him now.

Severus took a deep breath, which in turn caused Remus to sit up and pay a little more attention. The dark-haired wizard's hands were still interlocked, though the whites of his knuckles no longer showed. The tempo of the bouncing foot had slowed to a more sedate pace. Severus was calming down.

"Why has the baby's arrival got you so worried? You were excited… well as excited as you can be!" Remus laughed. "Having a baby was your idea."

"I clearly didn't think things through."

"You think everything through, Severus. It's bloody annoying actually."

Severus looked up. Remus had proved to be a good friend over the years. He even turned out to be someone that he could trust, someone he could talk to when he was ashamed to talk to Lily. This was a man that never judged him; after all, Remus knew what it was to be judged.

"I want the baby," he began. "The problem is that I do not think that _I_ can do this."

"Severus, you know you can do whatever you set your mind to. Everyone said that you wouldn't be able to improve on Belby's Wolfsbane Potion, but you did it. Everyone told you that you couldn't win Lily back after-"

"We do _not_ talk about that!" Severus replied sternly.

This was alluding to an incident that had been a great low point in Severus' life. It was a moment of weakness, a moment that he felt deep shame over, and it had almost cost him Lily forever.

"All I am saying is that I have no idea where this change has come from? Since when does Severus Snape doubt himself? Since when are you so insecure? I have never seen you behave as though you are weak, so why now?"

"I can get through anything with intellect, however, this requires something that I do not have."

Severus' face was downcast, shame-filled, and utterly uncharacteristic for the man before him. He looked weak and helpless, and Remus realised that this was how he had felt as a child at Spinner's End. This was a part of Severus that he had yet to see or experience. It was a part of Severus that was locked away, never to be seen by anyone, because that was something Severus didn't want anyone to see; his weakness.

"What is it that you lack?"

"I lack the ability to be a father." Severus' leg began the rhythmic bounce once more, and his hands began to pull on the loose rubbery padding on the arms of the chair, slowly demolishing the last remaining comfort that these seats held.

Silence filled the waiting room. Remus had no idea how to understand where Severus was coming from. Remus had a fantastic farther he could model himself if ever he was lucky enough to have that title bestowed upon him. His father had fought for him no matter what. His father conquered his own discrimination in order to give his son everything that he could. His father was willing to go bankrupt, even now, just to ensure that Remus had everything that he needed to live a full and happy life. Remus knew that Severus had none of this. Remus could never understand how that could impact a person when faced with being a father themselves. A father was something that he had severely lacked in his own childhood, so envisioning emulating that could only be painful.

"Remus," he began, "what if I am like my father? I am not cut out to be kind or caring, and I do not find it easy to show that I care when I do. I am not gentle. I count wrongs. I get angry and I hold grudges; what if I inflict that on an innocent child? I am _not_ cut out to be a father."

"Severus, may I be blunt?" Remus asked. "Let's face it, I don't have time to be gentle, we are sitting in the waiting room as your wife is giving birth. You do care and you are an affectionate person."

Severus scoffed.

"I mean it! Yes, you have an unconventional approach to such things, but you do care. You care so much, and that is why this is tearing you up inside." Remus got up from his chair and knelt before Severus, forcing him to look him in the eye. "Severus, if you keep telling yourself that you are like your father, then you _will_ be like your father. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Remus and Severus were quiet as the words began to soak in. In the background you could hear the hustle and bustle of the hospital, medi-witches running here and there.

"There was once a famed diviner called Stephanie Garber, and she said '_Once a future is foretold, that future becomes a living thing, and it will fight very hard to bring itself about'_," Remus added, waiting for Severus to respond, hoping that something would sink in and cause his friend to see something other than what he lacked.

"I do not put much stock in Divination," Severus sneered.

"It's not about divination. It's about what you focus on, if you focus on this view of yourself; your father, that idea will fight to bring itself about. You are not him. You care deeply for the people you love. If anyone threatened Lily you would be furious and you would go to any lengths to protect her! I know you would do the same for you child also."

Severus held Remus' eye, but looked utterly unconvinced.

"Embrace the man that you are, and acknowledge your strengths, you will learn to be the best father a child could ask for. You would be fiercely protective, you would be the best teacher, and woe betide anyone that dared cross your child."

Severus' eyes were fixed on his friend's face, his attention utterly captivated by his best friend. A man that he had always hated, until he didn't. Now, Severus didn't know what he would do without him. Severus was all vulnerability, the cold shell, the hard protective exterior broken away.

"I really don't think I can do this," Severus replied.

"Severus. I will be here to help you every step of the way."

Severus nodded stiffly, the hard exterior building back up in an attempt to stem the damn of emotions that was building. He had heard Remus, he might not be the most conventional father, but he would do everything he could for his child.

Their conversation was cut short when a medi-witch came bustling out of the room that Severus knew held Lily. The plump witch was beaming.

"It's a boy!" she cried in delight.

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Weeks later Severus was in the nursery. He sat on a dark oak rocking chair with Harry nestled into his arms. He had found the trials of parenting difficult to say the least, but in this moment he found his niche. No one could get little Harry to sleep, not like Severus. They rocked in the chair, and floating within range of his eyesight was '_An Advanced Guide to Potion Creation by Arsenic Jigger.'_

Severus read aloud and Harry drifted off into a peaceful slumber, possibly having dreams about ingredients such as Hellebore, a featured ingredient of this chapter. Severus hoped that he thought only of his father's deep resonating voice being a source of comfort, and in hearing it the tiny baby would feel safe and loved.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading, please review**


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